MorganRants

Things I am passionate about. Injustice, stupidity, intolerance, bigotry and small-mindedness. Oh and there might just be some humor to offset the whole thing.

Pigeon Guano In Cincinnati

Posted by morganwrites on October 2, 2007

It seems that Paul Brown Stadium has been invaded by a pigeons who, unfortunately, have been pooping on fans during games.

The managing director of the stadium, in a letter to the city manager, said that officials are going to “continue to explore various alternatives to dealing with this patron issue.”

City Manger, Milton Dohoney, granted permission to shoot the birds if other methods didn’t discourage the pigeons.

Eric Brown, the director of the stadium, had, at first, asked the city to allow stadium employees to use an air-powered rifle to kill pigeons roosting in the infrastructure of the stadium, raining down poop onto fans, their food and their drinks.

Poeple for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, weighed in speaking against the plan, encouraging Mayor Mark Mallory to reject the stadium’s request and offered to help develop other solutions such as netting, noise makers and porcupine wire that discourages birds from roosting. Mallory’s office said the mayor also opposed shooting the birds. Probably from the heat he’d get from the backlash he’d get from his PETA constituents if he had allowed the killing of pigeons to commence.

Team officials said they’re looking into other ideas, into get rid of the birds.

In another related story, it seems that Phoenix is also having a pigeon poop problem. It seems that thousands of pigeons have invaded the downtown area, roosting in the buildings and causing havoc due to their ubiquitous pooping on ledges, parked cars, pedestrians, and the like.

The mayor of Phoenix had issued a plea to the CDC, NIH, as well as scientists and ornithologists to come up with a plan to rid the city of these pesky birds and offered $1,00,000 to the company or person who could solve the problem.

After several weeks of trial and error by the city of Phoenix, a Dr. Hans Blikenstroop, contacted the Pigeon Eradication Committee. He told the committee that he had recently solved a similar pigeon problem in Gorlitz, Germany, a city south of Berlin and near the border with Poland. He promised the PEC he could rid the city of pigeons within the week.

Two days later, Dr. Blikenstroop arrived in the downtown area, around noon, with a blue pigeon on a leash. He walked around the city streets, peering up at the buildings and after an hour or so, unleashed his pigeon and set it free. The blue pigeon took to the skies and, incredibly, all the other pigeons flew after it. There were thousands of people out of doors who witnessed the spectacle and as the last pigeon disappeared from view, a tumultuous roar went up from the masses. During this event, the mayor had been alerted and he joined the throng watching the dreaded pigeons vanish from his city.

Well, you can imagine the amazement and joy that enveloped the citizenry of Phoenix and no one was more thankful than the mayor. That evening, a special ceremony was given, feting the Doctor, awarding him keys to the city as well as a spectacular banquet hosted in his honor. As the mayor handed Dr. Blikenstroop his million dollar check, the mayor asked if he might ask the doctor a question. The doctor replied, “But of course, ask anything you wish.”

They mayor said, “Do you happen to have a blue illegal alien?”

MorganLighter

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